She wanted him to know she still loved him! She loved the way he made her feel! The way he looked at her was what made her feel beautiful! The way he held her hand in his made her feel protected. The way he treated her made her feel like a princess. He would know what she wanted, how she felt without her having to say a word! She did not know how to reciprocate her feelings, she could understand how he felt but she was always scared! Scared to trust anyone with her feelings, not even him. So she kept everything to herself, everything, including her love for him!
He was tall, dark, handsome, the kind of guy every girl would love to have in her life, she was plump, fair, not drop dead gorgeous but was pretty and talented. They were destined to meet, and they chose to part! But meeting again probably was in their hands. She was confused, had no clue if this is what she wanted and so she decided to stay away from him, he was tired of making her understand that it would work out, that they could be together and so he decided to stay away from her.
She still tried to keep in touch, but he did not see any future for their relationship. “Whats the point in keeping in touch?” he would ask?
“Do you do everything only because there is something in it for you?” she would ask.
He would say : “Go away….”, she would say, “I can’t”, he would say , then “Stay with me forever” and she would say “I can’t!”.
“If I stay here, there is a going in my staying; and if I go there is a staying in my going. Only love and death will change all things.” (Khalil Gibran)
And so she now walks alone, in that road called life, to see what comes first love or death or both, and it is only then that things will change, she knows!
And all the time she regrets parting with him, wishes to see him again, hopes that he has moved on, but secretly wants him to be hers forever and from all these voices in her head, among all the conflicting thoughts, she sometimes can hear that feeble but firm voice of her grandma – “Of all the sufferings in the world, the worst is the one that comes with not knowing what it is that you exactly want”…..